It often left me staring into nothingness when I think about my life after college. I have always dreamed of graduating on time which is proven to be a very difficult feat in the course I am taking. But sometimes, thinking about it gives me the feeling that I am not at all ready for the outside world. The feeling of incompetence strikes in.

Gone are the days when companies come grabbing students in our department for work even before they graduate. Gone is the golden age of this science. Gone are the days of the very good pioneer teacher. What awaits us who are left to crawl on what’s left of this sullen state?

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I ask myself, am I good enough or deserving to be put on even the most minimal position in the industry? I couldn’t answer. I have yet to learn a year from now. It sucks when you hear that some mentors get in the way of students’ ambitions. It feels awful ending a subject learning almost nil from it. Most of all, it feels embarrassing being put side by side with students from other schools and they think you know a lot when in fact you don’t.

I hear a comment from another department’s teacher that we from our department are not on in the fight anymore. We are losers that sometimes win. Nevertheless, losers? I don’t call us that. I still have the superiority complex hanging on my sleeve; about to fall, of course.

So what do I do? What do we do? We try hard on our own. We seek what we cannot find in our own zones. We try hard to become visible. Make ourselves competent for short. The game is on. It will be for a lifetime. When your parents at school go neglect you, be your own parent. The challenge is on.