I have a very bad feeling. A very, very bad and negative feeling.

All I want to do now is to survive Bioinformatics. Bioinformatics is our elective. I failed in the first long exam. And this has been the first time I became severely affected of a failed first long exam. I know why — because up to now I haven’t wholly understood the lessons. But that’s not what worries me most. It’s what I heard from a classmate telling me about her past experience.

I heard this the first time before the long exam — that our teacher sort of holds grudges on students. Well, not really the most evil grudge type but those that will make the teacher give you a 5.0 instead of a 3.0 come marking time. And I think I’m a target. There’s a small percentage in me telling that I’m sure. I have been extremely talkative and restless in class since day 1. Well, either talkative or drowsy. And I’m insensitive. I maybe haven’t noticed that I’m already being too noisy and obvious. But don’t get me wrong; I’m not like this in any other subject. In our Database class, I interact and listen to the teacher, not to my seatmate.

I paid the initial consequences. I don’t want to pay it full! God forbid I fail in this subject. God forbid I fail in any subject. I’m helping myself now. I’m trying to change starting today. I hope the teacher sees that change — that I lowered down my naughtiness and became a good student. There’s two months for me to prove that. I hope I survive this two-month test.

I am still worried. Or am I paranoid?

Photo by Raúl Valladolid